What it has become

Initially, when I started this journal of sorts, I wanted to write down the highlights of my days or weeks. I thought it would be great to be able revisit the past and be able to reminisce.

I’ve seen how my grandfather would unfailingly write in his diary since I was a child that when he died my aunts found boxes of old journals and pieces of paper he had notes on but had ran out of time and energy to transfer them to his book. I used to think that keeping a diary was taboo and will just bring one misfortune (now where did I hear that from?). It seems I have come to agree, though too late, with what my grandfather had told me—that it would, no matter what, become part of my legacy.

My grandfather would write everything from the mundane to the most important events in his life that I think the reason why I resisted having one before was because of the thought that I will relegate my life down to a task that is practically redundant.

I used to sneak in his room to take a peak at what he’s written. Curiosity and vanity can be my flaws always wanting to know what he’s jotted down about me (hehehe). Now I find myself doing the same thing, except that I don’t have to have pen and paper like he did. Then I started to grasp the fact that I am now writing AND publishing for the world to read. It’s scaring me shitless but at the same time I find myself feeling very liberated and gratified of this undertaking.

Not really having a plan when I begun, I now find myself constantly thinking of what to write at the end of the day. I had thought of maintianing a travel log since I love to discover new places all the time and I appear to have the restlessness in me that prevent me from staying at home on weekends. When I thought about it earlier, I thought I can just drop a line or two or just summarize my day and yet on the other hand, I realize that I am writing long entries. I am still undecided as to how this will turn out. I feel some of my thoughts and experiences are still meant to be private but it would be an excellent channel for me to let go of some matters that clutter my mind.

My grandfather must be turning in his grave right at this moment saying “I told you so”.

Copyright 2004 Wandertrekker